I take back everything I said about communal showers
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
