Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
