just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
