Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I lost the right to judge tonight
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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