Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I pour the whiskey from now on
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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