when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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