i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
