I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
