Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
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