the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize