addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Randomize
