She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
