To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
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