i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
