Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize