maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
