dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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