I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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