I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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