i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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