I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Randomize
