Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
