he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
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