Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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