it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Randomize
