Have you finally orgasmed yet?
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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