So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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