I'm really into asian looking animals
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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