i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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