My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
