do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Randomize
