Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
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