I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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