Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Someone shit on the floor
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
