porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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