Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
