the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize