ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
