'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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