Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
