Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Randomize
