Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
