Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize