and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
