he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
