it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
