Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
