So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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