Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
