Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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