i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Randomize