you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize