We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Randomize
