Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
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