Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
