Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
