One girl and one boy is just not enough.
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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