Soap is not a condiment
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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