He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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