I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
