You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
