I think I died a long time ago.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
