i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize