Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
