i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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