so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Randomize
