I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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