i wish starbucks made bloody marys
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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