My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
