I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Randomize
