you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
