guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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